Baseball needs to hurry up and start.

"If I step aside, there's nobody speaking for the human life amendment, theres nobody standing up strongly for the second amendment, there's nobody standing up for the fair tax, nobody's out there really talking about how to deal with the illegal immigration issue, nobody's talking about the federal marriage amendment..." "...conservatives are going to feel like they're... frankly being ignored"

Mike Huckabee in a CNN interview

Let's see here...
Human Life amendment : strike one
Less Gun Control: strike two
Fair Tax: ball one
Illegal Immigration: ball two (but probably a bad call)
Federal Marriage Amendment: Steeeeeeee-rike three!

Apparently Johan Santana was pitching in this metaphorical game of baseball.

Now, for a disclaimer: I keep focusing on Huckabee not because I feel he has a real chance of being elected, rather for what he is saying the neo-conservative base has aligned itself with. It is a Jean-Marie Le Pen type of nationalistic fervor that worries me.

And who is really being ignored? Conservatives? You're telling me people who won't get an abortion, aren't (usually) gay, and probably don't have illegal immigrants threatening them in any way shape or form are being ignored because they can't force their beliefs on others? If that is where the conservative base is headed, let them keep their guns and just shoot me now. Lord knows it wouldn't be a hate crime. Being ignored. Seriously. C'mon. More like undereducated underprivileged youth at risk for pregnancy, gays and lesbians, and Hispanic minorities (legal and not) are being ignored, and actively discriminated against within a government that is supposed to be protecting them.

On another note, his first date with his wife, Janet, was at a bowling alley. How charming. Perhaps they ate refried beans afterwards and watched three's company. Who would marry such a man?:


Look, I know its not right to attack his wife on here, but she is downright creepy. I didn't even photoshop. The kicker? the picture was found on a blog titled 'housewives 4 huck'. I'm so glad he is going to protect your marriages, and defend your rights to make sandwiches for your husbands and cry secretly in the pantry because you wish you never had children.

So. All of this neo-conservative moving and shaking, which will subsequently be changed to standing and not-ever-shutting-the-hell-up, because shaking is immoral, has gotten me wondering lately. It is an interesting question, and it has a disclaimer to follow:

Where would this nation be today if 9-11 had never happened?

I am not trying in any way to insult the memory of those lost that day, or suggest we shouldn't have responded in one way or another. I am just concerned that suddenly the multinational, multi-ethnic group of people that passed away that day have been transformed into pureblooded anglo-protestant families out of Norman Rockwell paintings. Not only do I hate those paintings, but I hate that idea.

When something shocking happens, it is easy to get clouded up in fear, and your judgment can certainly be impaired. But what if it hadn't happened? Would we be restricting civil liberties as much? Would there be a logic of 'national security' behind everything, from marriage to abortion to diplomacy?

It is clearly difficult to put ourselves back into the impossibly happy realm of pre-9/11 politics. But even then the term post-9/11 politics makes me worry about the necessity to explain our actions to our own people, and to the world. Dismissing explanation in favor of a quick, gut wrenching remembrance is lazy and ignorant.

I think it is an impossibly question, but I believe looking to our past, and the direction our society was headed before a horrific alteration of our path can give us a lot of answers of where we are headed now.

I hope that made any sense.

Valentine's Day

Well, yall have all heard the various arguments about Valentine's Day by now, and why it is reviled and beloved, dreaded and looked forward too, and everything else about it. Besides it being pretty heterocentric (but not purposely, our society is 90% straight), it doesn't really bother me one way or the other. I generally dislike the month of February, and the crappy weather that comes along with it. Since my move to DC, it has been sunny maybe 2-3 days out of 14. The point is, having a holiday celebrating 'love' is okay, but can we at least have it some time of year where its warm out? c'mon.

So why, TL, are you in a grumpy mood? It was pejorative sling day. When casually homophobic comments seem to come at an all time high, more so than your average day, enough that it gets on your nerves and you get angry at all of the breeder folk out there.

Wait, I just said breeder. that is so heterophobic. Just like cracker is racist.

Well, you can get upset once you drop the whole 'gay people can't have children therefore they should not be able to marry' argument. Until then, you suggest that the purpose of heterosexual relationships is, indeed, to breed. So shut up.

I won't get into specifics about things that were said today at work, but I will say 'gay' was slung around as a pejorative term by several co-workers. I was also referred to as 'such a guy' and a 'ladies man'. Accepting chocolates from another male I was jokingly deemed homophobic because I had morning face (which was interpreted as angry/apprehensive face). Then when I said I was very happy to have chocolate, I was told that I shouldn't be THAT excited about it; that I wouldn't want to sound gay or anything.

Here's the deal, folks: It's completely normal for gays and lesbians to hear pejorative, homophobic terms a few times a day out in the world, and for the most part, it is dismissed as a cultural ignorance that is more automatic than hateful, and not intentionally ill-willed. One or two times a day shouldn't really be happening, but its no biggie.

But I'm sure others can relate here. I am seen as straight in a workplace that might not be too gay-friendly. I would like to keep my job. If I criticize one of my superiors for an unintentionally pejorative (RK will have a fit about those two words being used) term, then I risk getting on their bad side, and being mistreated.

So I choose my battles. I dismiss the small things, go home, and reheat yesterday's meal, and have a cookie and ice cream or something.

But there are some days where the air must carry the ghost of Falwell mixed with some of the hot air from Fred Phelps. And everyone seems to make little, unintentionally harmful comments, that do, indeed, add up.

"But when I call something gay, I mean it like 'stupid'"

If something is gay, it is gay! I understand the stereotype, and it isn't entirely ficticious. If you see a dildo-waving drag queen rocking out to cher in the back of a rainbow flag toting jetta, then call that 'gay' all you want. If you see two men engaged in sexual activity with one another, that is pretty damn gay too. But otherwise, try to use something else. In the meantime, us gheys will try not to hold it against you.

Unless, of course, you are ex-Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn, taunting gay passers by as 'faggots' in Cleveland: Link Here. Maybe it isn't true, but i'm sure he would get off the hook either way. This blog is considering sending him last year's homo heisman out of spite alone. Perhaps meeting Jared on those subway commercials made him a bit uncomfortable about his sexuality.

Pictures to come.

Kicking the Can

I had to put down my anime so I could quickly rebut that last post! JK, JK!

(moving on.)

I was so torn on Sunday. On the one hand, I'm done with the Boston thing. How can I... communicate this?...



On the other hand, I probably like the Manning clan less than the Hilton brood. To wit:



I decided to feel the following: Can I be done with football now and look forward to glorious beautiful baseball?

Also, my apologies for not blawging about presidential politics, but I TA for a class about that. I don't want to work at home, if you catch my drift.

Just you wait till I get my RAM upgraded this weekend! Oh the Photoshopping to be had!

This was a highly ineffective post. My apologies. But you're not angry at me, you're angry at the Mannings. That's right.

Kicking and Screaming

Last post, I gave y'all a picture of the 4 leading candidates for the presidency. I forgot another candidate who just won't go away. Here are three photos, in chronological order, of our forgotten candidate:

Holy Crap. I always thought he looked familiar.

Yes, it's true, readers. Mike Huckabee is actually infamously stupid TV icon Gomer Pyle. And he just won primaries in several large states. Congratulations. He is quite possibly the most frequent guest picture on our blog.

Do any of you ever have someone who thinks of you as a friend, and you don't quite feel the same? You just want to tell them someday "please leave me alone, I'm embarrassed to be seen with you and you masturbate to anime. And I don't like that." Yet they still cling to you like a desperate pup clings to his mother's teat. GO AWAY!

Well, okay then! That was a somewhat related tangent.

In other news, I am still trying to shy away from endorsing one candidate or another (on the blog) until a nomination has been given. And it's hard.

So to avoid doing so, its time for change. You be the judge on whether I just used a slogan. And if I did, what is the deal with that slogan? wouldn't a new president be a change one way or another regardless?

SEXUAL HARASSMENT

So, I recently got a job in the DC metro area, which obviously makes the political commentary of the blog more legitimate. But I want to show all of you that gender stereotypes most certainly go both ways.

The Scenario:

TL and a young female HR manager are going over company policies for behavior in the workplace. TL has not disclosed his sexuality, because frankly, he doesn't need to. TL never seems to come across to people as gay. Below is a general idea of what was said.

HR: So, to recap, it is okay to have some pictures up in your office, but having a picture of the latest swimsuit model is inappropriate. Any pictures showing too much cleavage or leg are inappropriate for the work place. its okay to have a picture of a girlfriend, just keep it appropriate.

TL: Not a problem.

HR: Good, moving on. Use of the internet in the office is strictly monitored. So if you want to check ESPN.com for the latest scores and updates you will have to do it on your own time, or during a break downstairs in the reading room. Checking the sports pages is inappropriate use of the internet, as is anything like playboy etc. Office computers are for work-related issues ONLY.

TL: Sounds good

Y'all get the idea. My only point is that the same woman who is training me about sexual harassment and discrimination is also making very heteronormative assumptions and very machoistic assumptions due to me being a masculine male. By masculine I mean appearance/vibe/mannerisms.

And while it is actually good idea to tell me not to look at sports pages, the assumption is just about as good as me saying the following:

TL: The workplace is not a place to paint your nails or read Cosmo. Don't put too many frilly pink things on your desk, because they might be offensive to clients. If you would like to bake cookies for everyone, use the office kitchen, where you belong.

TL: The office isn't a place to gossip with the girlfriends over the phone or watch episodes of sex in the city online. Please keep internet use to work-related issues. If you need to read up on your soap operas, you may do so during your break, downstairs.

Yeah, I know, women do get this kinda garbage more often, and I'm not trying to play victim here, I just find it humorous.

And life is good.

:)

Let Me Get Right to the Point Here

CLICK ON THIS TO SEE THE FULL SIZED VERSION!

Way to go, Paultards! That really took foot, i'm glad all of you gave so much money to America's next president.

And lastly, the race being slimmed down, I compiled the worst pictures I could find of our remaining candidates! Sure, Huckabee is missing, but so is Bill, since he seems to be running as well! Scarily, there aren't many bad pictures of presidential hopeful Mitt Romney. This might be because he is, in fact, a robot. The Olympic torch gaze of power will have to do. So, ladies and gents, one of these 4 people will be our next president:


In order from left to right:
"I am how old?"
"I am so tired someone else put this in my mouth and I haven't noticed"
"I AM EATING YOUR CHILDREN IN MY MIND!"
"O Great Earth! Error message: 10189 Troubleshoot?"

ONCE AGAIN, CLICK FOR A FULL SIZED VERSION

I can't wait for November!

Sex, Drugs, and... well, just sex.

Due to the lack of good rock music (thanks for that, Nickelback), this post will focus on sex. It is going to be heavily linked, but I promise they will make it entertaining. Particularly criminal law surrounding prostitution . I will use my own Commonwealth of Virginia as the basis for my arguments and observation.

So doing a little bit of sex-related-crime research, I found it is illegal to keep a 'bawdy place'. Congratulations RK, you just committed a crime, you disgusting stain upon my gleaming alabaster Commonwealth. Your apartment most certainly qualifies as a bawdy place, given the amount of consensual lewdness that goes on there. The following evidence was drawn by an unnamed witness to activity within the premises of RK's apartment/bawdy place:

"Oh RK, I want you to gain knowledge of me carnally through the anus or by the mouth!"
"But of course darling, I will voluntarily submit to such carnal knowledge"
"Let's commit a crime against nature, my sweet"

Stop right there! Crimes against nature? I thought those were struck down due to Lawrence v. Texas!? Well, my great Commonwealth has chosen to defy the vile activist judges, and join other great, modern, free places in standing up against sexual deviance! On that map, Virginia is the shining red bastion of hope in the USA, joining together with a diverse coalition of well-meaning Islamic Republics, never-corrupt African and Latin American governments, and of course, Cuba! 1-5 years in prison for consensual non-commercial, private sex, however, is a slap on the wrist. Upgrade to the death penalty!

Well I just deviated from my original train of thought, so let's get back to it.

So in Virginia, once you catch a hooker, it is appropriate to confine them in a prison, a county farm, or a hospital. County farm?



Geez its cold out here guys. I wish those hookers would leave so we can have our barn back.

Basically what I'm getting at here is that our current laws regarding prostitution and 'crimes against nature'(among other things) are antiquated and need a very quick revamping. Don't ask me what to do about it though. I only think that punishing the prostitute makes about as much sense as punishing the drug user. Rehabilitation makes a lot more sense if you want to focus on eliminating a problem.

So um.... RK needs to post soon.

My Beef with the EU

I have a rather bizarre theory to present. Please, before reading further, do realize that this is a very rough, not-very-thought-out presentation of ideas. I don't often post disclaimers like this, but every now and then, it is warranted due to my passionate nature. This same nature re-did the blog-header. Vibrant, is it not?

So here is my claim (in old-school SAT format analogy!):

128.) The European Union : The United States of America : :

A) Umbrella: Windshield Wiper
B) Apple : Microsoft
C) Octopus: Chicken
D) Banana: Newt Gingrich
E) Chipotle: Taco Bell

Well, as much as Chipotle is awesome, sometimes I still crave a steak grilled-stuft-burrito from Taco Bell. I know its completely disgusting, but it is simultaneously awesome. Kind of like Courtney Love in this video.

Oh, right... The answer: (B)


New EU Comes in 8 Slick Colors! EU NANO!

I always secretly hope to get spam that says "EU ENLARGMENT PILZ $3.40 NO TURKEY ALLOWED!"

I am really rambling, perhaps because it is getting late. But onward, ho! (not you, Courtney Love)...

So many poli-sci students nowadays enjoy pulling out the 'well healthcare in the EU... well taxes in the EU... well environmental policy in the EU...' argument to suggest that we in America are just NOT WITH IT at all. And while we are most certainly not with it, I would like to put it out there that neither is the EU. They are like Apple circa 1998 (with the release of everyone's favorite candy-colored computer, the I-mac). Wow, an alternative to the status-quo! A new product, with a different mouse and a new style!

And all I have heard since is how wonderful everything Apple makes, and why everyone must have the new i-shit. Haha, I shit. Well, everybody shits. That's my point. While first a quaint hero rising against the hegemonic Microsoft (aka USA), Apple was admired by hipsters and computer-geeks alike. The familiar apple logo appeared on far too many new candy-colored VW bugs as bumper stickers. And now? The once friendly savior of those enslaved to Microsoft has now become its own monster. It too can succumb to defects, viruses, poor-quality manufacturing, environmental issues, and more. Steve Jobs vs. Bill Gates? Surprisingly, the latter wins on philanthropy. I'm just pointing things out here.

It is easy to jump on the i-phone bandwagon, but I urge you to take a look at the at&t only tie in. Apple is just as much a money-making machine as the next guy. Same deal with the EU.

The EU is just as flawed (if not more) than the US. Sure, their currency is strong, but they have their bank crises. They have their military problems (Balkans, anyone?). For every economic protectionist policy we have, they have one for their own agricultural problem. Fair Trade? Not so hot. Even the environment... do your research and they aren't that far ahead, and even then its more a result of their cities being planned before the dawn of the automobile, and therefore conveniently mixed-use sustainability. I'm not pointing out US superiority here. I am only pointing out that the fashionable EU-centric response by political-hipsters will no longer be tolerated by me.

Both companies offer great products. Both companies have major flaws. Just go easy there. Or just jump on the next 'oh this is just SO great' bandwagon. I suggest Ron Paul. Sorry this post was kind of murky and dull. It seemed like a good idea at the start, and descended into a pictureless bog of despair. Here's a video: