ETERNAL GLORY!

Everybody in the athletic world enjoys one thing: competition. Better yet, they like winning competitions. So what's an easy ticket to eternal glory? That's right. I said it.

ETERNAL GLORY!!! ITALICIZED! BZWAH!

Coming out.

There has got to be at least one top-tier pro athlete out there who likes guys (please be Federer, (Roger, if you're reading this, ditch the chunky 'girlfriend'!). And i'm not talking about an athlete who will historically be remembered more for being gay than for his actual athletic conquests (but you go, girl!).

I'm talking about the go-on-I-dare-you-to-talk-trash-about-me, in-your-face, consider-yourself-defeated super-athlete. I'm talking record-shattering, championship-winning, and buzzer-beating perfection. Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Everyone calls you gay as an 'insult' anyway. Just come out, acknowledge that yes, you are, in fact, a gay man, and do a sick-nasty pump fake power bomb to the end zone. Or strike them out swinging. Or dunk high above them, letting your man parts dangle in front of their bigoted faces like a rainbow flag on Ann Coulter's house.

Come out before the height of your career, or eternal glory is not yours. You will be another one of the growing handful of pro-athletes who were too afraid of what could happen if they dared to let the world know of their scandalous genetic disposition. Athletic success is about playing to the best of your ability, pulling out all of the stops to kick someone else's ass. Not coming out before its all over is kind of like letting the game go into overtime instead of taking the shot with 2 seconds left. Safe, yes. But what athlete wouldn't want the chance to take that shot?

Yes, your sexuality will be discussed more than immigration right before an election. But the fact is, neither of them really accomplish anything, and neither of them concern you.

Yes, you will be taunted, spit on, unfairly bashed, called names, be the subject of way too many late-night comic routines for far too long, and when you play for the title, someone will cleverly (ha! so original!) incorporate Brokeback Mountain into your name, your team, or the game you're playing. And here's betting the refs or umps don't give you as many breaks as the other guys out there.

Yes, people will question whether you belong in the locker room. Then let your franchise build you your own. They need you. If they are biased, let someone else do it.

Yes, you won't get as many advertisement spots, and you won't be paid nearly as much as you deserve at first.

Oh wait. Maybe I wouldn't come out either, that shit is ridiculous and it sucks. But I'm just a simple unemployed blogger. What do I know?

So be remembered as a great athlete (of which there are many) don't ever fall in love, and live in fear your whole life, champ!

Or be remembered as a pioneer for the way America thinks about homosexuality, a step-above the hero-athlete status, someone who kicked ass on and off the court, and just be yourself.

ETERNAL GLORY? well let's just say Amaechi wasn't quite there. But good for him...

He had the balls to wait till he was retired and 37 to come out.

eternal glory. 'nuff said.