meet me at the altar in your white dress
we ain't getting no younger, we might as well do it
been feeling you all the while girl i must confess
girl let's just get married,
i just wanna get married
"we might as well do it"?!
So.... like... I've known you for like... 2 months now... and umm, I like Bon Jovi, just like you. I also umm... yeah. We might as well just get married now. Here's a ring.
Aside from this song still being popular in parts of Southwest Virginia (don't ask), I believe it touches on a burgeoning social problem in the United States. I don't know if there is an actual psychological definition describing 'the feeling that one must marry', so for now, I am going to just call it Marriage Complex.
Did you say 'aww' upon seeing this picture? You may be suffering from marriage complex. What sort of pervert would ever allow bears to marry each other. You make me sick.
Often a reflection of society's temperature, the entertainment industry is where I turn first for my evidence. Since 1997, mainstream movie industry has seen a slew of blockbuster movies revolving around marriages/weddings. While many may have been good, the huge response by movie-goers has opened up a market for wedding films much greater than before. I present to you just SOME of the movies (just what I could think up) directly centered or focused about with weddings and/or marriage being a central theme in 2007:
Knocked Up
Chuck & Larry
License to Wed
Shrek III (Starts Early!)
Because I Said So
Good Luck Chuck
Waitress
I Think I Love My Wife
Like I said, just a small bit of the plethora of wedding/marriage movies out there from 2007. If you don't believe me, keep an eye out for such things in 2008, and each time you see it, ask yourself if its a bit excessive.
Movies aren't enough though. Look at the TV entertainment industry. Bravo, Style, and We might as well merge as 'the wedding channel' (unless this already exists). Wedding shows and advertising related to weddings are only growing in number. The amount of money spent on ceremonies and receptions is skyrocketing.
The entertainment industry has really helped to encourage the sanctity of this religious institution. Clearly, the picture above proves that indeed it is protecting the sanc, and the tity.
Even then, all of the above is just icing on the (presumably wedding) cake.
American society, particularly girls, are constantly being bombarded with marriage/wedding paraphernalia. They are being taught that to be a functioning, accepted member of society, they must get married. That it is the culmination of everything they have worked so hard for. The grand ball of their meager, useless lives. The most special day ever. EVER.
WRONG. I even think that this pervasive idea has something (not everything) to do with the rise of the gay-marriage movement, and the opposition to it. Here is a transcript (not exact, it is from memory) of an actual conversation TL once had:
TL is talking to an ex-friend, shortly after coming out, who has decided that being gay is morally wrong. This young lady, at the tender age of 20, was (and presumably is) obsessed at the prospect of marrying her boyfriend, marriage shows, and exhibits jealous behavior upon learning that any of her friends are engaged to be married before she does. TL attempts to argue within her own religious rhetoric, to no avail.
TL: Being gay is not a sin. Love is encouraged by God. As are committed relationships.
Girl: Even if it wasn't sinful, the Bible says that you have to obey the law of the land... and last time I checked, GAY PEOPLE* can't get married under the law.
*said in the scandal/horror/strife! tone of voice
Little known to me, my reaction was caught on camera:
Now my point here isn't to get into the whole gay rights argument. I'm almost 100% positive the above statement was said out of happiness that someone, at last, would not be able to marry before her. Seriously, y'all.
That brings me to my next point: MARRIAGE IS NOT A PIECE OF PAPER, A CEREMONY, OR A RECEPTION. It isn't a honeymoon, it isn't living with someone else.
Religiously speaking, marriage is a covenant between two people and God to remain committed to one another.
Non-religiously, marriage is a monogamous, permanent, committed relationship between two people. Leave out the 'Under God'.
Newsflash: You can be married without having a wedding ceremony. You can be married without a marriage certificate. You just wont get the rights and benefits therein provided by the government and society in general.
Why do I say this? Because it should be about building a lasting relationship between two people. Nothing more. A big party and a fancy dress/tux are nice things too, but it isn't the point! And bigots think gay people want to marry goats? If all you think its about is a ceremony, you're much closer to being the goat's bride/groom than you think, because you clearly don't understand the concept to begin with.
To all of the single ladies out there who have been told you must get married, whose parents have expectations of marriage, and who must feel rejected and alone, because everyone finds the perfect someone... its not the end of the world if you aren't married by 26 (the median age of a first marriage in the US). If anything, your life as a single person might be a lot more exciting without the marriage. You will meet more friends, travel more places, find the best job for you, and generally serve your own best interests. This doesn't mean you won't date. In fact, you'll probably have a lot of fun dating. And what's wrong with exploring more options, and finding out what kind of person is right for you?
Are you really that bad off without an eternal mate? Are you suffering from marriage complex? Well, chin up, because really, it isn't the grand culmination of your life on earth. In fact, statistics show that you'll mess it up and have to do another one. I hear getting married increases your likelihood of getting divorced. Statistics show that married women are much more likely to get a divorce than single, unmarried women. OH MY GOD MAKE A DIVORCE VACCINE, SOMEONE!
Okay. That said- movies, shows, novels, etc, that aren't about marriage are generally a lot more entertaining. I want some single scandal in my entertainment. Whatever happened to lust? Have we really become such prudes that porn has claimed it as its own?
Why is everything about everlasting love, and why can love only be shown through wedding ceremonies? Why can't your love with another person culminate when you are old and gray and in a nursing home? Probably because you can't get an erection. Just kidding. But why can't it? Why can't it culminate in a natural way, without papers and cakes?
I hope I do find someone I'd like to spend every day with for the rest of my life. But I hope it isn't what people remember me for. Here lies TL. He was married. In Canada.
The term bridezilla sums up the height of marriage complex. You already know what it means. Why do you think they act that way?
To all of the future bridezillas of the world:
This isn't the bachelor. It isn't a game show where once you are married to someone, you win! You have to keep working at relationships. If you work so hard just to marry someone, you will have to keep working that hard afterwards to stay married. Your wedding isn't about you. You are not a princess. Even if you were one, it still wouldn't be about you. It is about love. Between you and your mate. Celebrate it. Let someone else plan it for you. Relax. Drink a beer and relax, for goodness sake. C'mon, people! Stop the madness!
And to all of you single folks:
Keep on rockin! Don't buy into the marriage myth!
1 comment:
Tyler this article really wakes me up to the fact that I need to get married. You pose some really good reasons that people should in fact get married. And you also point out that I've only get 4 years to seal the deal. Well marriage here I come one way or another!!!!!
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